We may live in modern times, but this doesn’t mean that good manners and proper etiquette don’t matter any more. Here’s a check list of the do’s and don’ts when attending and hosting a party in 2010.

• Drinks

  If you’re a guest, it’s generally expected that you will arrive with some type of drink to share – a bottle of wine or six-pack of beer is customary, but if you don’t drink alcohol, you might like to bring a bottle of mineral water or gourmet juice.
• As host, you don’t necessarily have to serve the actual wine or beer that your guests brought, unless they specifically mention how much they’re looking forward to trying that aged bottle of red! As guest, it is the height of rudeness to take home the drinks you brought to the party. If they are not consumed, they simply become a gift to the host.

• Timing

  For goodness sake, turn up on time! The expression may be ‘fashionably late’, but unless the invitation has a stated flexible time (such as ‘open house drinks from 5pm’), don’t be late. Nobody wants to wait around for dinner because other inconsiderate guests are tardy.
• Equally, guests who turn up early are every host’s nightmare, so even if you can’t wait to get to the party, wait until five minutes past the starting time before you ring the doorbell.

• Gift giving

  Do you have to bring your host a present, in addition to a bottle of wine? Usually, this isn’t necessary. However, if the party is for a specific occasion – such as a birthday, engagement or housewarming – a small gift is thoughtful. Think homewares, flowers, chocolates, or fragrant candles and soaps. A home-made present, such as a batch of brownies, will be especially appreciated.

• Extra guests

  Is it OK to bring a friend if they weren’t invited? The short answer is no! If you have unusual circumstances, though – such as a friend staying from overseas who’d otherwise be home alone – you should ring your host as soon as possible to ask if it’s OK to bring a plus-one.
• As host, extra guests can throw party organisation (such as the seating plan and catering) into a spin. So if a friend asks to bring someone with them at the last minute, you can absolutely decline the request.

• Bailing Out

  Not turning up or bailing out of the party at the last minute without a good reason is just plain bad manners. Some people think that sending a text message on the day of the party is an acceptable way to pull out, but it’s really not considerate – your host will have gone to a lot of trouble to have you over, and deciding you’re too tired to attend is a poor excuse!
• Of course, if you have extenuating circumstances and simply cannot attend the party at the eleventh hour for a genuine reason, be courteous and at least ring the host to apologise and explain why.

• Eating

  As host, you should ensure all your guests have filled their plates before you tuck in yourself (even if it’s a stand-up event). If you’re sitting down at the dining table to eat, it’s not polite to pick up your cutlery and start eating until everyone is seated and served. A toast and round of cheers clinks is usually the key to tuck in to the meal.

• Thankyous

  Within a few days of the party, it’s nice to thank your host for their hospitality. If you’re into tradition, you can handwrite a note and post it, otherwise an email or phone call is absolutely fine. Just as long as you express your gratitude in some way!